If you have ever lost someone close to you, you have experienced the most profound form of pain. Talking about death is a taboo in some communities. People handle this situation differently depending on the age or how close you were to the person. In both circumstances, there is no time frame for mourning. Others wonder how long the pain should last and if moving on is a sign of betrayal from a partner who has just passed on.
All these feeling cause anxiety, stress, and depression in people. Death remains a natural process in life that cannot be evaded. The number of people who die every year is almost equal to that of newborn children. Below we look at what you can do to get past the emotions that come with death.
1. Give yourself enough time to mourn
Accepting that the person is gone is the first step to healing. Mourning is personal and should not be rushed. While some people take a few months to feel better, others spend years before they can finally move on. Do not compare yourself with others but take as much time as possible to grieve. The intensity of pain may last for a while even if you carry on with your daily activities. Release your pain in a healthy way even if it means crying yourself to sleep for a while or screaming. Losing someone is hard and holding on to the pain is not healthy because it causes depression.
2. Do not pretend to be strong
Death breaks the strongest people we know. Breaking down is not a sign of weakness, it shows you cared deeply for the person. Do not go on with your life pretending that you can handle it on your own. In as much as you try to be firm for your young siblings, allow other people to support your feelings too. Seek permission from work if that is what you need to feel better. Avoid faking a smile when you are feeling like sobbing.
3. Share your feelings when you are ready
Consoling a person who has lost a loved one is never easy for most people. To the bereaved, it is hard to share what you are feeling with friends even when they show concern. The constant checking up from friends may remind you of your pain. At your own time, confide your emotions when you are prepared to do it with someone close. Take necessary steps to boost your social health.
Once you have passed denial stage, talk to a therapist or a priest about what you have been holding back. Whether it is fear or confusion in your mind, express it to someone you trust as it is a necessary step to healing. Talking about it does not show that you are seeking attention instead, it signifies enough strength to carry on.
4. Beware of fake sympathy
Not everybody is out there to sympathize with your loss genuinely. Some people take it as an exaggeration when to take too long to grief. Avoid people who are not compassionate because they feel you are too sensitive. People who dismiss your pain may not understand what it feels like, thus should not be part of your circle at such a moment.
5. Avoid self-medicating
Most people turn to alcohol and drugs to try and ease the pain of death. These methods may numb your feelings for a while but worsen your depression afterward. Do not spend your months abusing drugs in denial, instead, find help here: https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/local-rehab-resources/colorado/denver/. Your drinking problem only pushes you further away from healing. Instead of such methods, spend part of your days in the gym to calm your nerves and reduce your stress levels.
Death teaches us that we should not take life for granted because there is no telling when it is over. Use your precious time on an adventure as you seek to see the beauty of life in new places. This will help your moods as your grieve so that you can look at life positively. Looking for an adventurous destination will change your perspective and inspire you to love life. Take a close friend with you and travel to different places seeing new things and learning various aspects of life.
7. Follow your dreams
Even if death may take away what we love most, it has a way of opening us up to realize how short one can live. It brings out the strength in us to do what makes us happy. Purpose to spend each moment of your life waking up to something you love. Do not spend the whole of your life doing a job that you detest rather, follow your dreams and work hard to achieving them. This mentality is what makes you move past the death of a close friend.
8. Treasure the moments
They say that you never miss the water till the well runs dry. Most of the times, we forget to appreciate the people in our lives and take them for granted. Instead of mourning for years, celebrate the life of the person as you treasure each moment that you may have spent with them. Believe that the person is not gone, but their legacy moves on through you. Focus on making them happy by continuing from where they left off as you cherish the life lessons they instilled in you.
You can also keep things that bring back good memories of them. Do not get rid of their belongings but put them aside and look at them once in a while. Avoid leaving them hanging around while you mourn so that they don’t make it hard for you to heal.
9. Avoid regrets
Most people spend time wishing they did or said certain things to a person before their death. This harbors feelings of guilt and self-blame. Concentrate on what you can do now so that you can stop blaming yourself for uncontrollable situations.
Mourning a loss takes different time frames for people. Do not allow your friends to tell you when to stop grieving if you are not ready to. Take time to heal in your way and try to avoid harmful ways while mourning. You should not let this period depress you but, teach you how to enjoy the time you have been given on earth.