Sex and sexual activity gets a lot of attention when we’re young. For teenagers, we focus on developing healthy, respectful attitudes toward sexuality and practicing responsible, safe sex. People in their 20s may
explore more about sex as they work toward finding a life-long partner. But as we age there’s less and less focus on sexuality. It’s almost as if we expect the need, the desire, to simply fade away but it doesn’t. Although middle age is a time of great changes for many people, it can also be a time of transformation. Those hormones, those relationships—they ebb and flow—but sex remains a vital part of body, mind, and spirit. Once many people begin to reach their 40s or 50s, sex becomes something that is no longer exciting.
That is why a lot of people in their middle age want to know how to re-frame their sex life as their age.
Part of the evolution is re-framing your sexual beliefs to work around what’s changing physically—irritation, exhaustion, hot flashes to name just a few. It’s not necessarily true that those changes necessitate a lack of desire or ability to have a satisfying sexual relationship. Part of it is about positive body talk—what you’re telling yourself about how you are and how you look and what you want.
Much of the blame is laid at the foot of hormones, but there are also changes happening in the brain as we move to middle age. And what if we stopped accepting what society expects from us about sexuality? But that’s easier said than done right? Small steps are important—even if there’s one small thing that you can do to reinforce your positive images. And there are ways outside of sex that can make you more in touch with your libido. That, hopefully, will lead to being in touch when you’re having sex. To do that, you have to build trust and conversation. You have to be open to talking about likes and dislikes. Think about the good things—even if it’s just one thing—and go from there. If there’s something you aren’t sure about or that you don’t like, again—talk about it. If you’re too embarrassed to say those things, don’t:, show instead. There are also things that you can do outside of sex, too, that can help build more confidence and interest in physical interaction. Sleep and lubrication, as well as a focus on pleasure—not the act itself—are all helpful. And there are plenty additional insights and tips, all of which you will find in this graphic.